Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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