thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
