Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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