Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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