I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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