I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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