How'd it feel making her break her religion?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Panties = found
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