Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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