Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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