Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
