hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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