Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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