I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize