if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
