btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
