May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
