yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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