I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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