It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
third nipple confirmed
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
