what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize