then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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