Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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