Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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