I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
