My friends, they love my intelligence
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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