I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
