He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
