Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
