it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
