life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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