Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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