i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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