You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
The struggles of a small town man whore
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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