'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
