You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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