May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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