You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Randomize
