do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
