If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
i've created a new STD.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize