So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize