ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
