I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
