the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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