remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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