he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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