He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
