look no pants
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We were destined to go to rehab together
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
