So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
