One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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