Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Randomize
