I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
