i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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