"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
