Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
