Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
