I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
3pm strippers are depressing
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
