I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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