my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
