fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
