I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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