My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
