life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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