she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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