I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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