Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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