I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
