It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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