i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
