i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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