turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
