i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
