that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
