It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
i believe in u and ur pee
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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