so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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